Where did all the good conversations go?
It occurred to me that we don’t often have any real conversations anymore.
Maybe I am generalising, but it’s not often we feel we can trust those around us to talk about the stuff that really matters.
Conversations tend to be very general and specific about the day’s goings-on.
“Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.” Kin Hubbard
I told my Mum that I don’t watch the news and haven’t for a long time. She was horrified, she said how do you have conversations with people if you don’t know what’s going on in the world. I said I don’t like to talk about fear, drama, and negativity that’s on the news. She didn’t get it. I told her I ask people how they are going, I talk about being inspired by different ideas and what truly matters to them.
After years of crazy highs and lows in the years following my car accident, pushing the beyond my limits and having tragedy around me, attracting drama, I came to Melbourne and met Suzie then got my state manager role in a big company I leveled out my emotions completely. I was under a lot of pressure and all eyes were on me constantly. I was measured in everything I did, my only release came from riding my bike. If I didn’t ride I would have gone crazy. Never letting myself feel too deeply or get too excited about anything. My conversations reflected this, I never spoke about the future or marveled about the present.
When we measure or suppress our emotions, they don’t go anywhere. They don’t magically disappear never to be felt again, they stay down and play out in other areas of your life. The show their face as health issues, relationship issues, lack of drive, motivation, and attitude towards life. They can even hold us back from our hopes and dreams, creating limiting beliefs forcing us to settle.
Your feelings need to be shared, they absolutely must come out. They are neither good or bad they are just feelings, emotions, thoughts. Important as they are, you can’t keep them inside.
“Choose to focus your time, energy and conversation around people who inspire you, support you and help you to grow you into your happiest, strongest, wisest self.” Karen Salmansohn
For healing to happen we need to share and be vulnerable. That heals a little part of us allowing a little love and compassion in its place.
Brene Brown says that to the extent we are will to have our heart broken is to the extent that we will feel love.
Wow! When I heard that I thought about how much I used to keep myself safe and emotionless and how that wasn’t allowing me to feel love and connection. This was keeping me distant from my family.
How many of us rarely put ourselves out there? Truly putting our hearts on the line, to say what matters, to be honest with our hopes and dreams, our fears, our failings. When we talk about the incredible things we want to achieve and people say to us “you can’t-do that, you have never done something like that before” So we keep it to ourselves, for fear of stepping outside our tribe or being judged.
So how can we experience more emotion, more feelings, have deeper conversations and experience that thing we secretly all desire; more connection.
“Silence is one of the great arts of conversation.” Marcus Tullius Cicero
“Tone is often the most important part of a conversation – and listening is so much more important than what you say.” Hoda Kotb
I used to be self-focused and think about my own agenda, totally distracted in conversations. Now people regularly open up on my experiences and my talks about what truly matters to them because I create a safe place to do so. Do I get it right every time? Definitely not. I am a work in progress.
Be that person that creates a safe place for people to share what is important to them, their hopes, dreams, fears, and purpose. Be a giver of significance and notice how good you feel.
“A real conversation always contains an invitation. You are inviting another person to reveal herself or himself to you, to tell you who they are or what they want.” David Whyte
I would love your thoughts on this, please share in the comments or email me.
About the author. Daniel is an inspirational speaker, facilitator, mindset coach and takes busy professionals on life changing experiences. A chance to press pause on your busy routine and reflect on what is truly important.
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Daniel is the owner of The Phoenix Experience is a Qualified Coach, Facilitator and Motivational Speaker. He survived a car accident at aged 20 which left him with a shattered spine and paralyzed. He was told he might never walk again. He proved medical staff wrong walking out of hospital 6 weeks later, although weak and brittle. This shake-up led him to leave his career, partner, apartment: his entire life behind him. After being homeless and unemployed for 6 months he rebuilt his life. He has since had a family and after having a high pressure and busy career he now helps busy professionals get back out and experience life.